I have tried, like every other self-indulgent twenty-somethings in this country, to find myself. And the self I found turns out to be a grandma. Over the past few years, I have allowed myself to gravitate toward the things I like. And initially, the things I liked were things I approved of such as an unhealthy obsession with books and notebooks, a career in medicine, being artsy. Then they became a little funky but still nice like knitting, anthropology, and psychiatry. But over the past few months, I've become something I can't recognize. I like to take bubble baths and read in the tub. I look forward to Sunday so that I can curl up with the Sunday Times. I drink tea and light up candles. I sit in from of the TV and knit. Okay, maybe not a grandma, but definitely a middle-aged white woman I have become.

Finally!

Oh, why did it never occur to me to look this up on the internet? I can now finally venture OUTSIDE of my house with the New York Times...

comfort books

I am feeling kinda bleh and the words are failing me so I am going to do a list. Oh a list of books. How fun!

When I rearranged the furnitures in my room, I put my bed up against a small bookshelf. So there's a shelf of books right by my head and I can literally go to sleep with my books. I finally picked the books to put there. I had not criteria other than to pick the books that put me at ease. I didn't pick my favorite books, per se, and there is a size limitation (no books too large would fit there), but I think I have an interesting selection.

oh.. .so the list. here goes from left to right:

• Selected Poems, Jorge Luis Borges
• A Writer's Diary, Virginia Woolf
• The Virginia Woolf Reader
• The Voyage Out, Virginia Woolf
  
• Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf
• The Hours, Michael Cunningham
• Reading like a Writer: A guide for people who love books and for those who want to write them, Francine Prose
• Wintering: A novel of Sylvia Plath, Kate Moss
• The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath
• Gracefully Insane, Alex Beam
• Girl, Interrupted, Susanna Kaysen
• Tender Is the Night, f. Scott Fitzgerald
• Of Two Minds, t m Luhrmann
• Complications: a surgeon's notes on an imperfect science, Atul Gawande
• An Unquiet Mind, Kay Redfield Jamison
• Prozac Nation, Elizabeth Wurtzel
• The House of God, Samuel Shem
• New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud
• Final Exam: A surgeon's reflection on mortality, Pauline Chen
• Asylums, Erving Goffman
• The Living Clock, John D. Palmer
• The Development of Cognitive Anthropology, Roy G D'Andrade
• Facundo: Civilization and Barbarism, Domingo Faustino Sarmiento
• The Men Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat: And other clinical tales, Oliver Sacks
• Bedlam Burning, Geoff Nicholson
• Running with Scissors, Augusten Burroughs
• Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert
• Labyrinths: Selected stories and other writings, Jorge Luis Borges
• Delivering Doctor Amelia, Dan Shapiro
• Group Psychology and the Analysis of the Ego, Sigmund Freud

This was, more than anything, an exercise in following my heart. As cheesy as that sounds, I am trying to relinquish some control over every aspect of my life. Sometimes randomness and irregularity produce beautiful results. And if I can just let life happen, I might be pleasantly surprised. So instead of fretting over figuring out why I pick the books I did, I just grabbed the books I wanted for this mix. The collection I have doesn't quite make sense and I only have an inkling as to why I picked some of those books. The result, nonetheless, is quite satisfying.

gotta have it

Yes, I got the book! Here's my latest addition to my library:

101 Designer one-skein Wonders
Edited by Judith Durant

I have wanted a one-skein knitting book ever since I realized that I am an ADD-knitter. I cannot maintain an interest in my knitting project beyond a bundle of yarn . I considered getting the classic book: One Skein since I had this insane urge to knit a cupcake and a felted handbag. But that's about all I want from that book and I knit a cupcake from an online pattern. So I ended up getting what I think is the newest and the hippest book out now about short knitting projects.

There are so many things in there I want to make. I am still a bit fuzzy on yarn weights but I now know I can get a nice skein of yarn and find something neat to make with it. I looked through about a dozen knitting books in the store and this book was the only one that had more than 5 things I want to make.

This book is one of the girly-est book I have. Well maybe tied to my shopaholic books. But the cover has pictures of cute knitted things and yarns. The pages have flowerly patterns and swirly girly fonts. And and and some of the letters are in pink. I am so in love with my girly book. ah...

As much as I like books, I usually don't buy them at full price. So I was especially hesitant getting this one since there are free knitting patterns all over the internet. But I woke up this morning feeling like I had to get this book. It was all windy, cold, and rainy outside but I felt something greater than me dragged me to the bookstore to get this book.

But I did restrain myself from getting a cute notebook I found. It was beautiful and I now regret not getting it.

These are the times when I understand shopaholics. I am lucky though since it is obviously far better to be addicted to books, notebooks, and art supplies than to be drawn to clothes and shoes or electronics. You can never have too many books and the notebooks represent possibilities.

unoriginal

I got curious as to whether there were others out there who blogs about reading. I shouldn't have been so surprised since everyone these days blogs about everything, but I nonetheless was shocked at how many blogs were out there dedicated solely to the reading experience. I looked through a few and I couldn't help myself but to mentally compare mine with theirs.

And theirs were really good and mine not so much. Other people actually write coherent entries about literature and reading. And the entries seem to offer some definite opinion to the world. Finally, the other blogs are not so personal.

Mine, on the other hand, is so egocentric. I... I... I... I... I. And my entries about are about too many things, none that should be of interest to anybody but me. My entries are personal and unfocused.

But I like my blog. The other blogs seem to address an audience; I address myself. My goal of this blog was to have a place to write out my obsession with books and reading.

Found Bookmarks

I have actually designated a box for collecting my bookmarks. If I find any homeless bookmark in my house, it goes in the box. And I have found six so far. They are my favorites from different phases in my life all lost in a pile of stuff or placed in a book I vowed to read and then lost interest after 30 pages.

I do have too many books I have started and never finished. I don't believe I am ever obligated to finishing a book if the writer doesn't engage me. But there are some lovely books I like and want to finish but I get stuck at the last 100 pages. Maybe I should focus on finishing my three-fourth read books before starting anything new, no matter how tempting a new book.

I started a huge tome--the Quentin Bell biography of Virginia Woolf. The writing is so dry and so from another world that it's really difficult to get through the chapters. But I am determined to read through the first 200 or so page before making my final judgment. The beginning of any biography is dull and full of info on people I don't care about such as Virginia Woolf's great great grandfather. And I don't care too much about v. woolf's childhood either. So I'll wait it out and perhaps I'll discover interesting stuff. The Einstein book I've been intending to read for about a month now has won the Quill Award, an award I have never heard of. Well, the ceremony was on TV so the book must be good?

So right now, actively reading:

1. Virginia Woolf, a biography by Quentin Bell
2. The (in)famous The Craft of Research

I had this uncontrollable desire to read the Craft of Research. Unbelievable considering I had refused to read it so many times in college. How annoying it must've been to my professors when this science major asks for help on writing papers and then adamantly refuses the advice of starting with that book? I am not against reading books on writing; in fact, there are a few that I really like (s.a. writing for social scientists, reading like a writer, the elements of style, on writing well). But something about this book just makes me want to write a really crappy paper instead of learning the "craft." It's so textbook-ish and the tone kind of patronizing.

But these days, I do long for a clear explanation on constructing arguments. And I really appreciate the clear, organized, and, well, textbook-ish prose. So I started reading the craft of research. And I like it so far. I think after having struggled with papers, I appreciate this volume more. Kind of like how I understood the elements of style more now that I have actually made most of the mistakes in that book. I also think it's a good idea for me to read the book before entering graduate school (a real one as opposed to a professional school). I am sure I'll read it once more my first year in grad school.

to craft or to read

ARRRRRGH...... I. want. this. book. so. so. much.

One Skein Wonder

I realize that I like to knit cute and quick stuff. I am not a sweater or a bedspread knitter. And I like to knit easy mellow patterns because I knit to think and relax in front of the TV. Finally, I am poor so I can't buy more than one ball of a really nice or even a moderately nice yarn. So I am always looking for cute worthwhile and easy patterns that will make something small.

I was searching through amazon and I really want that book. I wanna knit the little cupcakes and the felted bag. But I feel I should buy yarn if I have the money to buy a knitting book. Hmm...