Reading log

I have just finished reading through "Stitch 'N Bitch: The Knitter's Handbook." And without thinking too much about it, I added it to my list of books read. I have been keeping a list like this religiously and voluntarily since the seventh grade. My list of books read has been on a piece of looseleaf, back of a planner, and in a separate notebook designated for the purpose of keeping a list of books read. I have finally organized my disparate lists into a nice notebook laura got me years back so now I have a (note)book for the list of books read.

I had lists that had just the author and the title to book reviews, but now I just list the date finished, title, author, publisher, isbn, and a star rating (from 1 star to 5 starts).

I realize of course that this is just another one of my obsessive lists that is of no interest to anybody other than me... but it's a very important list to me nonetheless. The book sits prominently on my desk and just as much as I enjoy starring at my bookshelves, I enjoy flipping through this neat and organized list of books I read. This is my personal history; my literary photo album. I reminisce about a book, about the transient love-affair, and about the disappointments and the heartbreak. I reminisce about what I was thinking about and what I was doing when I read certain books because every book I read is inevitably tied to a point in personal development.

When I read a book, I feel a great desire to finish it so that I can add it to my book. I constantly think about how many stars the book deserves and when I can't make up my mind, I feel distressed. But I always take for granted that I will add the book to the list, no matter how short, and how disappointing.

My recent introduction to knitting books, however, presented me with a very disturbing issue: can I add knitting books to my list of books read? For that matter, what about any instruction books, work books, or picture books?

I have long since known that books don't exist just to be read. They were my toys, my unhealthy obsession, and, for some people, art. Yet why is it so distressing to think that there are books sitting on my bookshelf, books I spent time with that may not belong in my list of books read? I have long ago decided that workbooks don't count as books read (although I have a tendency to hoard them and love them in my own way). And I guess I subconsciously decided not to include knitting pattern books because I haven't so far. But with the stitch and bitch book, I have added it without thinking too much about it... which makes me wonder if I should add my other knitting books.

Well, the difference between the stitch n bitch book and my other knitting books is that there is substantial amount of writing in the s and b book. But then the second half of that book is patterns and photos and I certainly didn't read through them! And what about "Fitted Knits," a book I "read" even though there isn't a lot of writing and spent way more time with while struggling through its sweater patterns?

I guess I need a way to define a book read. Is it defined by how much time I spent with it, what percentage of the book is writing, or what I learned from it? All three of those criteria are flowed in some ways... so I am going a bit crazy.

Of course I can start a new list of knitting books "read," but then I know I'll resort to that solution too many times and will end up with another set of disparate lists. I am into simplifying now, organizing my life, and cutting down on the number of ongoing notebooks. Besides, I want to have a LOOOOONG list of books read... but I would feel uneasy if the list had books that weren't really read. I'd feel like a fraud.

So no answers. No resolutions. what to do?? well, until a better solution comes along, I guess I'll add only the books I feel have been read into my notebook, and pattern books only in my online list of books. I suppose that will work.

Getting rid of books? Impossible!

Maybe a little creepy without meaning to be, I sometimes think about this philosophy grad student who sold me a few of his books. The circumstances were: I was finishing up my second year in the college and it being finals week, I procrastinated by going online and checking out what the other students were selling online. That's when I found this guy's posting. He was selling A LOT of his books. I went through the spreadsheet listing the books being sold and was amazed at the similarities in our taste in books. I already owned a lot of the books on his list but I also took down a list of books I wanted. I called him up and went over right away to purchase the books because after all, I had nothing better to do than to prepare for my finals.

I was on a high with my new books; I got the books I had always wanted really cheap. I found the grad student dude really cool, but couldn't stop wondering why he was parting ways with his books. Who does that? Isn't everyone's life goal to have a personal library filled with all the books they love? Isn't the library a visual collage of one's personal history? and therefore, aren't you really ridding yourself of your past, the essence of who you are, and all that if you are selling your books? And even if you are willing to sell your history, how can you put a price on that?

So I did ask him. I could've been very polite, of course, but me being me, I said something like: "Are you nuts? Why are you selling your books?" He explained that he was graduating that quarter, planned on traveling the world, and couldn't bring his books along with him... I let it go at that, but all these years, when I look at my bookshelf and think about that cool grad student who helped me add to it, I still wonder why he did something I can't ever fathom doing. The answer he gave was surely not enough. He could've stored them at a friend's house, a parent's house, a paid for storage place, etc etc. He would want them back eventually, and maybe this very day, he's regretting selling his "Being and Nothingness." Yes, I know he can buy another copy... but will he really replace every book he sold? Well, maybe he will... and maybe that's why he kept such a meticulous inventory with a spreadsheet and all... but even if you repurchase every single book, they are not the ones he went to grad school with and thus less valuable.

Admittedly it's been awhile since I obsessed over why someone who obviously loves books would sell them. But a few months ago, I thought of him again. I was moving and I had to pack my books. And it was hard. The books are insanely hard to pack. There is no not standard size... and because they are rectangular prism-y and rigid, you can only fit so many into a box while having all this left over space. And and and, they are HEAVY! I guess not carrying more than a few books at a time, I didn't realize that they have a formidable combined strength. I ran out of boxes, then I ran out of my bags, then then... I just wanted to throw them away. I reasoned with myself, 'forget personal history. It's not that great anyway. Start anew moo, start anew.'

Yes, that was it! I was going to buy myself brand new books, get rid of the books I secretly hate (such as 'the elementary forms of religious life'), and this time, I'll be smart about committing to a book. I'll buy only the books I'll truly love and will love me back. No math or marx books ever. no lame books...

But I couldn't do it. Just couldn't. Even the books from way back that I don't particularly feel sad about saying good bye to. I don't know why. Some books I truly love too much, some books too pricey, and I couldn't bear the thought of going down in the number of books I own. So somehow (I don't know how) I dragged them all to my new place. The first thing I unpacked, of course, were my books. I put them into the shelves and felt complete. Since then I have reorganized my shelves and now I feel complete and organized.

Wow, what a close call! Now I understand the grad student dude and his impulse to unburden himself, but I also know that he regrets selling me his books. If he finds me, I'll give his books back... no wait, I can't. It's already mine. My personal history I can't part with.

knitting books

My summer knitting is sweater knitting. I would start a cardigan, discard the project for awhile, and return to it. There would be a hat or a scarf here and there but I eased myself into unhurried and meditative knitting.

Now that it's fall, my knitting is beginning to reflect the anxiety I feel about my life and adulthood. It's time for neurotic knitting of the gloves, scarves, and hats so that I can wear it right away and feel like a productive human being. Well, I am not really complaining. I do love the fall despite the anxieties. One of the permanent remnants of my schoolgirl days is that fall feels like a beginning with so many possibilities.

So I never find myself missing the summer (except for the beach). I am neurotic at heart and prefer the cold to the heat. As for knitting, I am definitely not a sweater knitter and glad to be done with that for now.

My favorites are gloves and mittens. Since I know very little about yarns, and cannot buy skeins of cashmere yarn, I like to just buy myself a craft store quality skein of wool and be able to finish a project with it. Gloves let me do that and they are pretty and complex without being too difficult.

I envision my life being filled with hundreds of knitted gloves... some funky, some practical. And since I now consider myself an intermediate knitter, I want a bit of a challenge too. And after a bit of fretting and searching, I found the perfect book:

Knitting New Mittens and Gloves: Warm and Adorn your Hand in 28 Innovative Ways

The patterns there seem fun, the pictures are gorgeous, and the finished products actually seem wearable. And and and.... the paper is shiny, the cover is pretty, the font nice, and the book smells really good.

I didn't know when I started to knit, that this craft would open up a whole new section of the bookstore to me. I guess I should have known when I went searching for a knitting instruction book and saw an overwhelming selection of pretty books. I honestly thought then that I would teach myself to knit from one book and then get all my patterns elsewhere. But how to resist knitting books esp when they are pretty art books for people who can't afford 100 dollar Matisse books?

So before I know it, I realized, in my last reconfiguration of the bookshelves, that I have a tiny but a growing selection of knitting book. So along with a virginia woolf section and an ethnography section, I have a knitting section. And for me, one way to define education is: opening up new sections in the bookstore, and creating more distinct sections in one's own library.