Law school.

Law school is a blast but I am entitled to whine...

"ugh. Why is this dissent longer than the majority opinion??" This demonstrates a micro-form of the need to let go of certain expectations in law school. Just as I thought I almost got through this last case for Monday's class reading, you hit a wall of freaking dissent nobody cares about but you still have to read on the off chance that you get cold called (1/60) and that the professor will ask you about the dissent (1/10) = 1/600. No wonder lawyers have a reputation for being bad at math and ridiculously risk averse. Anyway, in law school, hope & complacency lead to misery. You think you'll finish the reading super fast because it's only a few pages, and couple hours later, you are not drawing and you are not done. You think this case will be easy to read and it's excruciating. You think you'll finish your memo quickly and get caught up on studying and the memo takes the whole weekend. When I decided, "umm.. yea. there's no way I am going to be caught up on everything," I felt soo much better and started to enjoy law school like A LOT. Because other than reality not matching my totally unfounded expectations, the classes are really interesting, and there are some great people here to nerd with.

Law school = a lesson in engaging rather than controlling and umm... drawing anyway. by choice. when there's NO TIME (AHHHH). And it means more.

response to stress...

... of which there are many, I have chosen to just not worry.

For example, it has dawned on me, I will never actually not be behind in my work as a 1L... so umm... why worry?

This seems logical to me yet it has not occurred to me before and it will be the first time I am trying the whole "why worry" strategy.

And of course now I am worried about the effectiveness of the "why worry" strategy.

Oh a bundle of neuroses I will always be.

Did I actually...

... procrastinate from writing my memo by studying Rule 12(g) and 12(h) of the Federal Rule of Civil Procedure? Even though I still have no idea what's going on, all signs indicate I am steeped in 1L festivities. What is confounding all this is that procrastinating on a paper really brings me back to college. Every time I write a paper, I procrastinate like a champ. Somehow, magically, maybe by a paper writing fairy, it gets done. And always, ALWAYS, I am elated and vow to never EVER procrastinate again.

Yet, I do, always, find writing a paper both excruciating and exhilarating.

And yes, I am now procrastinating on finishing my memo by writing on my blog, another writing activity I have been procrastinating on for years. I also have a slight fever and drank way too much coffee so all this is probably incoherent.

Law school is as it should be: there is so much work that I can't stop and think. Because if I were to o that, I would think a lot about how little I have drawn in the past month, and how rusty I have gotten and unsure my marks are when I do get to draw. It's not all bad though. I find that the limited time makes me draw differently.

My Contracts professor wrote "MoMA" on the board and asked the class what it meant. My lovely classmate said "Museum of Modern Art" and it both made my dad and made me sad. The "correct" answer is "manifestation of mutual assent," and honestly, that's cool too. I like Contracts a lot and thinking about the dance of law and integrity. I like being a little confused and reveling at the ambiguity. I wish I can just think about the law and chew on it without the looming cold call or the elusive exam that everyone assures me will definitely happen. But if I did this for "fun" too, then I really would be the ultimate dilettante. Oh and what a bliss that would be!