I drew for one month at the Art Students’ League. It’s been a rollercoaster. Initially, I was anxious and exhilarated by a new craft. Then when the newness wore off, I started despairing at my inadequacies. I got paranoid thinking my brain was just wired in a funny way that prevented me from seeing what everyone else was seeing. How else do I explain that I see only the light and the dark when everyone else sees myriad values?
Dare I say that I am beginning to see some progress both in my observations and drawings? Not only that, drawing has been a good exercise in managing my anxieties and insecurities. I am still not sure if I will ever be able to have a holistic understanding of the drawing process. But I like this process of putting down line after line with intention, and analytically and strategically putting together the multiple languages.
The other thing I learned was to calm down a bit. It is so embarrassing to be in my class full of talented and/or experienced people. And it is so daunting to stare at the living breathing model and then at my blank paper which progresses into incoherent lines which then progresses into deadening tones. Still, after a while, things work out and the joy of correcting even a tiny thing and making the drawing better is incomparable to any other highs.
I was off this week from drawing in the studio. So I drew simple objects to my heart’s content… and even that wasn’t super successful. So I am already a little anxious about Monday when I go back to figuring out the figures.
Still, I think I will stick with it. I am not quite sure why. I can go into five six reasons why I decided to start drawing… but then I wouldn’t know which answer is the true one. I think for now, I won’t overthink it, which is really hard for me to do. All I know is that I find drawing to be way more interesting, challenging, and exhilarating than I had ever imagined it would be. In fact, this is probably the most intellectually and cognitively arduous process I have ever attempted. So I will get my pencils in varying hardness I have no idea what to do with, and continue to make some bad lines that I hope will turn out decent as time goes by.
In the meantime, I will chronicle my experience of drawing here… and label those posts “tabula rasa,” which is what one of my classmates called me. She said it’s good to be a beginner and learn to draw in our class. I hope she’s right… that all the good instruction isn’t wasted on me. So here I go learning to see the world anew.
No comments:
Post a Comment